Chancellor of the Exchequer
House of Commons
As you know, I am the Express Newspaper’s Official Complainer.
Last weekend I filled up my car with petrol. It cost £50-00. I have decided that this is far too much and I would be most grateful indeed if you would reduce the tax on petrol before next weekend when I have to fill up again. The price is a shocking £3-50 per gallon (I haven’t a clue what that is in euro-litres) and I am not prepared to tolerate this rip-off a moment longer. In America you can fill up your car for a tenner and still have enough change to buy a couple of Hershey bars and a box of Dunkin’ donuts.
If you decide to ignore my plea I will have a quiet word with my mate Tony. I will recommend that you be reshuffled to Junior Fuel Under Secretary in the Department of Automotive Affairs. Then you’ll be sorry.
Come on Gordon, give back to British motorists the four star dignity they deserve and cut the price tomorrow. You know you want to.
By the way I never did manage to get Jeff Astle for my 1970 Esso World Cup coin collection – have you got any swaps?