Andrew Taylor
Managing Director
McDonalds Restaurants Ltd
Head Office
High Street
N2 8AW

Dear Andrew

As you know, I am the Express Newspaper’s Official Complainer and on this occasion I write on behalf of Mr Bernard King of Dumfries in Scotland.

Despite devolution Mr King is a great proponent of the Queen’s English. He regularly listens to Radio 4, reads the Times and encourages his two young children to use correct grammar, pronunciation and spelling. However, if there is one thing that really gets up his kilt it is the creeping menace of sloppy American shorthand. Mr King is a strong supporter of the special relationship that exists with our transatlantic cousins – he admires their high standards in matters of customer service, technological progress and democracy. This said, he is driven mad when he sees children exposed to words such as “nite”, “sox” and “kwik”. How does this affect you? Last weekend on a family outing Mr King decided to partake of a moving feast en voiture at his local Drive-Through McDonalds. Notwithstanding the beauty of your best bun-bound beef burgers or the fabulous feeling of feeding on your finest filet-o-fish, Mr King was really upset. Why? The signage outside the restaurant referred to the mobile munch facility as “Drive Thru'”. You must appreciate the powerful impression made by your company on the youngsters in this country. Can I therefore please place the following order on behalf of the King family: one Big Mac, two Happy Meals, two Fries (regular), an Apple Pie and 100 new and correct signs.

Yours sincerely

Jasper Griegson