Sir Philip Beck
Railtrack Group plc
Railtrack House
Euston Square

Dear Sir Philip

I write on behalf of Mrs Irene Russell.

Let’s talk about the Battle of Waterloo. Not the one where a small garlicky Frenchman impersonated Rod Steiger. Not the one where the splendid red-coated British army successfully employed the tactic of forming squares to break the foreign cavalry. Not the one, where for once, the Germans played on our side (thus enabling us to win without the need to go to extra time or penalties).

No. Let’s talk about Irene’s Battle of Waterloo, or should I say Portaloo. Irene and her friend were desperate to make a visit to the ladies’ at Waterloo Station. They discovered that the loos at Waterloo had “reloocated” to a temporary site outside the concourse. At the portaloo there were no facilities or space for luggage thus making their use very difficult indeed for the travelling public. Nevertheless, stoic to the last, they entered. What they encountered was a scene of vandalism and stomach-churning filth. Temporary or not, how is it that you haven’t taken any care to supervise or maintain these toilets? They are a total disgrace that is hardly a good advertisement for visitors to London, particularly those from abroad.

Irene and her friend were more than inconvenienced by the lack of conveniences. They were appalled.

In short, the loos at Waterloo are little better than a heaving cess-pit. Please step in.

Yours sincerely

Jasper Griegson